thanks for all the help with the ac talk. i ended up going to the pool. and walked right in. bc i knew someone who worked at harras. which was pretty cool bc there was like a 2 hour long wait. and we didnt have to pay the cover. but all in all it was a banging night from what i can remember! lol but thanks for the advice. i advise everyone to try the pool!

i hate going to bed alone. im off to bed to just lay there. who knows when i may fall asleep..

I didn't say I was different or better. I'm not. Hell, I sympathize; I sympathize completely. Apathy is the solution. I mean, it's easier to lose yourself in drugs than it is to cope with life. It's easier to steal what you want than it is to earn it. It's easier to beat a child than it is to raise it. Hell, love costs: it takes effort and work

so i havent updated this in FOREVER and i dont really have much time. but im single. im not sure how i feel about it yet. i got 2 kitties<3


they are the best kitties in the world<33 and i dont even like cats, lol.

so im trying to figure out how to ask my parents if i can move back home. but im a pussy. so i wait and wait to do things. wtf i found the mission 101 today so im attempting to put a list together i cant wait to finish the list so i can start on it. hum thats all. im starving.

so its been a while since ive posted on this. things have been a little crazy. i feel as i have applied to every place in south jersey and philly. and i have got no response. i dont know what more to do. i need a job. im el brokeo. im also in the middle of trying to move back home. but thats not going so well either. im at the college right now, i just applied to about 15 more jobs. i dont know what it is. i have NEVER had a problem getting a job. i would usually apply to 3 at the most and all 3 would call me. now i cant get one damn call back. wtf. i really want to work in the city somewhere within walking distance of the train. i really love the city. i wish someone would just call me and say, "toni we love you come work for me in the city. its a great job and you will love it. and the pay isnt that bad you will be able to survive on it" and i would take it. but no, no calls for me. i guess i will be a loser forever. if anyone knows of a place hiring please. let me know!! i will love you forever. i can do pretty much any job out there. ive had a few already so i have alot of experince with all different things. ugh. its depressing.
what else is sad, is the picture i posted last the thing i made for lindsey. i worked really hard on it and i loved it. it was one of my favorite things i have ever made. but me and lindsey got into a screaming match and i was FURIOUS and i freaked out and ripped it all into pieces. it makes me really sad. i think i may be crazy. actually i know i am.

today didnt start off on the best foot. i had a horrible dream last night so i got out of bed and slept on the floor. i think im crazy sometimes. it was probably from watching 30 days of night before i went to sleep. i dont like scary movies, but lindsey loves them.
im sad that its cold out i wanted to go for another bike ride. yesterday lindsey and i went for a bike ride for 3 hours. it was fun. it started to down pour and get crazy and then there were these hills. ugh i thought i was just to just roll back down. we stopped for lunch and got some pizza. i was craving it. there were also these really good cheese fries there. im actually craving them lol. but all in all it was a good day. we found out that it was 14 miles. damnnnn crazyness i never would have thought i could ride a bike for 14 miles.
so im attempting to quit smoking again. its been 2 days, but i had one today.when i crave one and i smoke im fine after that. its weird. i dont want to smoke more. that 1 does it for me. but eventually i want to not smoke at all.
i need to find a job, ive been applying everywhere but i havent heard anything. i hate not having money. ughh

update
so ive been trying to keep myself busy. i need a cigg. its driving me crazy. ive eaten the whole kitchen im going to get fat. i tried to occupy myself i made a collage thing for lindsey for our 15 months im waiting for the picture to up load and then ill put it on here. fuck it. im going to smoke.

i finally just got off the phone with my mom, that woman can talk. i think i may have said all together 1 sentence. oh well. im craving a bonte waffle. really bad. i think moving to the city may be bad for me. i wont stop eating. pizza, ice cream, WAFFLES, all of it blocks away. so i applied at the mood, it was weird. im not one to talk openly about sex. so it will be an experience for sure. but i need a job. asap. its been way to long unemployeed. im not in the city often but i want to work there. i just dont really know how to find out who is hiring. most places dont put it on the web. just signs on the door. boo.
today is the last st patties day i will be spend not at the bar. i feel so close to being 21. but its just not close enough. im like counting down and there is stil almost 5 months left. any ways. im starving. but what else is new. i wish i could eat and be full for more then an hour.
so i found out about next weeks l word and im soooo sad. molly is def better then nikki. ew.
we also watched loving anabelle. it was a really good movie but the ending sucked. it was horrible!!!
well i need to find food. now before i freak out

i dont understand how people are so closed minded. how can people live in a fairy tale world and think that nothing bad happens there? what makes them invincible. how can they not see or care whats going on in the real world. whats going on in THEIR world. do they think if they dont say it out loud then its not true? the world is filled with bad people, and bad actions. pretending its not there doesnt make it go away. saying something, standing up and saying no to it. thats what stops it. women didnt get their rights by sitting around and saying ''one day these men will just give us rights and look at us equal'' they went out and said something and stood up for their rights that they deserved, that we deserve. your right nothing changes over night, and the small things we do today we may not see the results. but in days, months, and years to come. we will, one day we will see those results. you have to choose your battles wisely. but not picking any, is just as bad as picking the wrong one. stand up for yourself. stand up for what you believe in. stand up for me.

im not looking for an arguement
im not looking for your agreement
im looking for your opinion.
you have to believe in something.

i really want to know what makes one person better than another.
what makes one religion better then another.
what political party is better then the other.

( its simple. )